I feel so much... Sorrow. Regret. Resentment. Pity. Offense. Empathy. Understanding. Compassion. Frustration.
No matter the tribal lands I visit, I hear the disparaging and heart-wrenching stories from older generations. They talk about the loss of language taken by force. The loss of land taken by bloodshed. The loss of children taken by boarding schools. The loss of family taken by relocation... but the most painful words are the ones that describe the reasons behind it all.
They were all told it was God's plan, part of Manifest Destiny.
I realize that in early years of colonization, religious people from all over the world came to "civilize" and/or to "save" the Indians. They tore Indians from their families to help make them more like themselves. They took away Native languages by beating it out of them. They ripped children from their families to teach them religious ways. They destroyed Native medicines and sacred places to stop them from their practices. Many of these things were done in the name of God or for His glory.
This legacy of "God's work" has created an almost irreparable harm. I hear things from elders that make me weep and consider the past actions of Christians before me.
If your mother were stolen in the name of God, would you worship Him? If your children were taken in the name of God, would you seek to glorify His name? If your son or daughter were beaten in the name of God for speaking their language, would you praise the name of the Lord?
These wretched tragedies have left their sorrowful mark on the generations to come. How, O Lord, can this be repaired? Not all who perform in Your name, do Your will. Not all who act in Your name are really representing You.
Great injustice and pain have been inflicted on Native peoples. I hear the damage in many of their words as they speak of You as an "imaginary or non-existent god." Many times I have heard You called an "unjust god." Or have heard elders say "I do not want to worship a god who does these things." Those who have been so deeply wounded by the past actions of the Christians before me say that a God or Savior is not real.
I am neither Irish, nor Native. I am neither female, nor male. Neither Jew, nor Gentile.
I am a child of God.
I know that much damage has been done, but I beg of you to please consider the source. The actions of past Christians do not always reflect the message of Christ. I say all of this not to preach at whoever reads this to believe in the Lord (although I hope that you do). I say all of this in order to draw a distinction from the messages of those Christians who left a scar upon these hearts.
Consider God for God. Do not believe God for who people say that He is. No one can you tell you who God is. No one can force you to believe. No science textbook, archeological discovery of the ark of the covenant or even an angelic appearance can cause you to believe in the Lord.
Only an open heart will receive a message. I am not asking you to open Your heart to the Lord, I only ask that you not close it.